See that post two down called-Ha

Well that post was full of some good and some bad information. We were in fact pregnant and I do have support but I was not as pulled together as I claimed. That was a blow that rocked my entire world and I wasn't honest with anyone about how much it hurt except for my hubby. I got hurt by a lot of people and they probably have or had no clue. So, I guess I've no one to blame except myself for pretending to be ok and assuming those close to me, that know my situation and everything I've been through would know how hurt I was. I shouldn't have assumed. So, here is the honest truth: being pregnant and having a miscarriage broke me into a million pieces, I think about it almost everyday, sometimes seeing babies at work and hearing them makes me go to the bathroom and cry, I'm jealous of every pregnant woman I see, and to this day I'm not sure how to make it all better. I'm sad and I'm still hopeful.

Raining

It's raining outside and it's perfect. I feel like rain right now. I'm sad, quiet, and want to be left alone and the rain suits me just fine. It's beautiful falling, like a renewal, hopefully it will wash away some of this sadness I'm feeling. My hubby and I should be arguing over who to tell first about our exciting news but instead we've shared the bad news already. This month has passed so quickly. I didn't even realize it had been thirty days. Guess I should have, the way I keep track of things. I'm surprised how sad I still am. I'm not mad anymore, I've accepted what happened. I'm fully ready to move on, everyone else has moved on. Life is funny, it just keeps happening whether you're ready or not. Deep breath. Forward motion. Try not to look back...

Ha

That's really all I can say for the whole, I'm going to blog more. Ha! I'd love to but most of the time I'm just not up for it. But I will say the hubby and I've done the impossible and it didn't work out in our favor but has certainly renewed our hopes. We were pregnant, but now we are not. I was devastated, fortunately I have a wonderful hubby and fantastic supportive family who helped get me through it. Now we just move forward and hope and pray for the best because obviously miracles do happen.