How do I know it's Christmastime???

• My sister and I got up at 3am already to go shopping on black Friday (for ourselves, not for presents that would be silly)
• My cat spent all day meowing at my Christmas village, tree, and empty boxes on Saturday
• My husband also yelled at said empty boxes for covering the entire house
• There is now Styrofoam covering my entire living room (see previously mentioned village)
• My Ipod is filled to the brim with my fav Christmas albums (ahhh Harry Connick Jr.)
• There were three different dips at my house Sunday for dip weekend (an official holiday kickoff)
• I've already had an altercation at Wal-Mart
• Most of my neighbors have blown up boxes of lights and blow up Christmaspalooza in their yards
• I've purchased wrapping paper and tape and set them neatly in front of my presents (which I will panic and wrap the day before I give them away)
• There are now 100s more cars on the road and none of them can drive
• All these drivers are also behind carts in stores and can't drive them either and clearly cannot see people walking in stores either

Bitter, yes, but still Thankful

It's Thanksgiving time, I'd like to take this opportunity to set aside my bitterness and share my gratefulness. I have an amazing husband, whom I love and adore. Meeting him changed my life and has made me a happier person. I am so thankful to have him in my life and I couldn't get through the day without him. I have an awesome family outside of him too. Two wonderful parents, who helped me become the person I am. A wonderful mom, who showed me how to work and raise a family. Something I hope and pray to do myself. A terrific dad, whom I praised in my last blog, so check it out. He's a great dad and I love them both so much. My sister and best friend, who keeps me sane and in check. What can I say about her that she doesn't already know. I'm so lucky to have her for a sister. She has four beautiful children and I love them all. Seeing them run up to me, give me a hug, talk to me on the phone, just blesses me and I often need it. They bring me a joy that I never knew could exist. (I suppose I should even be thankful for my brother in law here :) he's pretty cool too. I truly consider him my brother.). My actual brother has three gorgeous girls too, that I love and miss. Even with the rocky relationship I'm still glad he's my brother and I miss him too. My in laws are the best. I got lucky in that department. I have a great mom in law and dad in law. They've always treated me like one of the family and I truly feel like it. My sis in law, who's getting married in May, honored me with the title of Matron of Honor and I don't think she knows how much that meant to me. I love them all so much. I have a stable, secure job and a caring boss. I have friends at work and outside of work, a roof over my head, a cute little cat, and lots of love in my life at the end of the day. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone out there has tons to be thankful for too!

Happy Retirement Dad!

My dad gave me my first real job when I was about 16. He was the manager of our local grocery store and I decided I wanted to be a bagger (you know, that dude that bags your groceries and then is supposed to carry them to your car). And I was excited by the prospect of working and making money. Those few years I worked at the grocery store my job responsibilities changed as I worked longer. I worked in produce, as a cashier, bagger, stocker, basically a little bit of everything. I had one of the best times of my life. You can't imagine having so much fun ringing up groceries (I know sounds fun) as when you do and your dad is there. We'd take breaks together and he'd buy me a Mountain Dew and some peanut butter cheese crackers (I still eat that for breakfast and think of him every time I do). I have never been more appreciated as an employee than when I worked for him. He taught me so much as a teenager that I will always carry with me. One of my favorite job interview quotes is "my dad taught me to have a good work ethic" and it's so true. He taught me you don't call in because you "don't feel well," you don't pass the buck when something is your job, you help out your fellow co-worker, to always go the extra mile at work and always try to do a good job. I probably learned most of this because I wanted to impress my dad, because I was so impressed by him. He worked so hard his whole life to support us. He worked harder than anyone I knew and I wasn't about to work any less hard than him. These lessons are the reason I have the job I do now, the reason I've gotten so far. I get excellent reviews every year at work and I know for a fact that this is because my dad taught me how to be a good worker. I thank him every time I go in for an evaluation because I know he's the reason they always go so well. I always loved working with him and I know I never told him that enough. So, thank you daddy. Thanks for working hard to help me buy flag uniforms, go on school trips, buy gas money to drive your car, help pay for my college and the countless other things you helped me pay for. Thanks for showing me with your example how to work hard and be a caring and compassionate person. For being the best boss I've ever had and the hardest work I know. I love you so much and I'm so glad that after all this time you can take a break. And hopefully I can repay you for some of the gifts you've given me. Thank you for working hard and thank you even more for retiring. I cannot wait to see what we can do now that you are work free!

You're caller 10, how can I help you?

Me: Good morning, how can I help you?

AC (Annoying caller): Hey, I talked to you the other week about my account my name is annoying remember me?

Me: No, I'm sorry I don't but if you tell me what you need help with I'll be glad to try and assist you.

AC: I called and asked an annoying generic question and now I'm calling again to ask another generic question and get upset because you don't remember me.

Me: OK, I'll be glad to answer your generic question but it seems that my answer is only annoying you more. Let me give you the number of the actual department you need to speak to, who can give you the same answer again and see if that helps.

AC: Fine, what's the number.

Me: Here is the number stupid.

AC: So, was it actually you I spoke with the other week?

Me: I'm not sure I get several phone calls a day (try 15-20 a day, in addition to people I help in person) and I just don't remember.

AC: Well, isn't that just convenient? (and she hangs up).

Me: Yes, it is convenient. I actually remember you but don't want to help. It's not that your annoying and impatient and that I've helped a hundred people since I helped you and you didn't write down who you asked your generic question to. A question, might I add, that doesn't affect the amount of funds in your account, whether checks clear, or anything like that, no you just wanted me to remember you. Well, I don't and for me it's very convenient that you hung up.

Do you ever wonder...

What would happen if a bicyclist driving down the road fell over on his bike directly in front of you?

Why it is that girls wear low cut shirts showing off their cleavage and then pretend they didn't realize that was happening.

Why everyone has to be off on Fridays and why you're always the one to pick up the slack?

Why people don't listen to you, even though they know you are right, and would rather suffer than admit they are wrong?

What happened to Carmen Sandiago or Waldo?

Why people apply for loans when they have old loans they have never bothered to pay?

How they get the gum into the middle of the blow pop?

Why some people think the entire world revolves around them? And that EVERYTHING is about them?

Why I ramble on and on with random questions when I should be working?

Why people wear socks with sandals?

Birthday, The good, the bad, and the ugly...

I turned 32 on Wednesday, feels strange diving deeper into my thirties. I kind of always thought I'd be doing more with my life by now but I suppose what I've done so far isn't terrible. I've got a fantastic husband, great family, a home, a cute little kitty, overall a great life. I'm blessed : )
But birthdays make me ponder life and it's ok to get older I suppose...anyway here is a recap of my birthday, the good/bad/ugly style:

• Woke up early (bad) to Pat singing happy birthday (good) and saw my hair (ugly)
• Phone rang (bad) Daddy sang happy birthday and mom said happy birthday (good) and then remembered hair situation (ugly)
• Opened sweet card from mom and dad (good) check inside (not bad) smile on face (no ugly)
• Went to work (bad) no cake for birthday (bad) pineapple cake coming the next day for birthday (ugly/yuck)
• Got phone call from my sister wishing me happy birthday, phone call from in laws wishing me happy birthday, my nephew sang happy birthday (all good)
• Got flowers at work (good) they were broken in half (bad) had to tell Pat, he was not happy (ugly-for Pro Flowers anyway)
• Went to lunch with Pat (good) got CD at said lunch (not bad) sang on way back to work which I thought was lovely others might find it: (ugly)
• Worked all afternoon (no good, only ugly and bad...work is not good it's work)
• Left work (good) got presents at home (better) and cupcakes (awesome)
• Sweet nephews told me happy birthday (good)
• Went to eat at Outback (good) ate too much (bad) stomach bloated (ugly)
• Beautiful niece called to wish me happy birthday (good)
• Waited for my brother to call (bad) he did not (ugly) and still has not
• Went to bed (good) full of steak and potato and cupcake (better) fell asleep with gorgeous husband (best)
• Thursday was still my birthday, got a cupcake book from my sis in law (good) can't wait to make and eat lotsa cupcakes (bad) I'll be fat (ugly)

Overall I'd rate the day a 7, Pat thinks this is bad, but he's wrong. I had a great day with him, and only a few minor hiccups. I think I dwell on the bad too much anyway. Oh and today Paula bought me Subway and a cookie for b-day, so that was good too. I love birthdays, even if they mean I'm getting old.

Quick update: The brother finally called, a week late :)

Grab a tissue and a chair...

It was my baby nephew's 9th birthday this past weekend. . .ok and maybe 9 doesn't make you a baby anymore but J was my first little nephew. He was the first one I held, changed his diaper, bumped his head on a coffee table and gave a massive bruise, he was just the first little guy with the title nephew. From the minute he was born he was destined to be spoiled by everyone, and he knew it. I used to hold him in my lap and he'd sleep or smile and it made me so happy. And now here we are nine years later and guess what? He still ran up to me, in a gym filled with all his classmates, and his eyes still lit up when he saw me, he still gave me a hug. I can't tell ya how that makes me fill. I'm overwhelmed at how much he loves me. And after his birthday party with friends was over, and he impressed them all with his "b-ball skillz" (this is why Aunt Jenn doesn't talk at parties btw) he still came home and cuddled up on the sofa with his Aunt Jenn. He may be only a head shorter than me now, and his hands don't fit in the middle of my palms anymore but he's still just my little J. He still sits in my lap while he plays with skateboards, and he's still willing to hold my hand while he sits next to me, and I know it might not last much longer. . .but I'm gonna soak it up while I can. To be loved that much, just makes me a better person. He's an amazing little guy and I can't wait to see him continue to grow up and change. And yet I'll still be able to see the same baby I've always seen. . .probably even when he has his own babies someday. . .

My mom just called me out...

Apparently I put there where I should have put their. . .and I'm supposed to be the English major. Wow, currently am reminding myself to edit post completely before posting. Thanks mom :)

My husband calls me crazy, everyone else calls me...

I am thinking of changing my name to something more appropriate than Jenn, perhaps something more along the lines of: Couldya, Wouldya, or Canya. People seem to have forgotten that I have a first name and instead have decided to demand things of me all day from the time I walk in the bank until the time I leave. I understand there are things I know (vast amounts of knowledge rattle around my head that I never wanted) and that I should help people, but at what point are people going to start helping themselves? If the answer I've given you more than once, on the same question, is to call another department, don't you think you'd save us both the trouble and just call that department with your question? It's OK really, no need to clear calling someone else to ask them a question, just do it. And another thing, there are three and a half people here (yes half, she can do some stuff not others) that all do what I do and just because they like to talk on the phone more than I do does not mean you should automatically ask me "couldya get this person." Here's a new and bright idea, wait on one of the other three people who haven't done anything all day to get off the freaking phone and then tell them to do their job.

Listen here sister...

I've been trying to be a helpful here at the bank and help train one of my co-workers on taking an application for new credit cards. Somehow she and I have managed to get the uncooperative, impatient, terrible applicants every time we work together. Today took the cake. She processed an application for a young man and brought it to me to see if we could approve it. His credit report listed over $4000 of collections, a charged off credit card, and nothing else. Needless to say, we couldn't help him. I went with her to explain that we couldn't help and wow, did I get an ear full. He told me for 30 minutes straight (while he sat there with his leg propped on the chair trying to show me his junk) about why I should help him, why his credit wasn't bad, and all he wanted was a credit card for a few hundred dollars. He made plenty of money (he told me) and would pay us (which given the circumstances I don't agree) and that I was simply being unfair. As I opened my mouth for the third time to explain what we could do and why we couldn't open a credit card, he waved his hand at me and said "listen here sister, you aren't hearing me" and I racked my brain to figure out how I could possibly be related to such a moron and the answer is I'm not. So, I told him ever so politely "we couldn't give you a credit card for three hundred dollars, in fact we wouldn't give you a credit card for five dollars" (yes, I know I was training but this guy was nuts). I almost stabbed him with the scissors, he was insane. He talked on and on for 20 more minutes and I finally had to get my manager to help me (quite frankly I think it's because he has a penis and I don't, seriously). The crazy man finally left, accepting defeat. It's a good thing too, because I only have so much self control.

Random and on my mind....

So, yeah my brother hasn't talked to me since April and I think he's officially cut me out of his life. It's been a slow process and I actually never thought he'd officially do it, but here we are over 4 months of silence. I hope he's ok and his three beautiful daughters are good. I miss them and I miss the relationship he and I have never had and never will. It breaks my heart a little because I was sure at some point he'd come around and think man, I love my sister and I really want her to be part of my life. But it appears his life is full of the kind of family and friends he always dreamed of having. We've always been totally different-he the football playing, mayor, big shot kind of guy and I'm the bookworm, quiet, reserved gal, but we're family and I always thought that mattered more. Turns out for him it was more of a waiting game to see when he could successfully ditch me without the guilt. It's not just me, it's my entire family. It's sad and it sucks. It's been weighing pretty heavily on my mind recently...along with a hundred other things that seem to suck right now.

Ever notice when you have something on your mind and it's sad or hard to think about everyone around you seems to bring it up? Everyone has a question or story that involves your line of thinking and throws it at you and just makes your mind heavier? I've whined already in this blog about being sad, about things that are out of my control, so I'll try not to do it again here. But it's tough. My life feels hard right now, I feel sad. I don't know how to shake this crap. Ugh...

Stupid Question of the Day

A customer called to inquire about qualifications for obtaining a car loan, I answered and she then went on to win an award for being an idiot by asking the following:

"when looking at a possible car loan for me, do you look at like, ya know, like if on my credit report I didn’t pay rent a few years ago and they have a collection on me, cause I was unemployed and couldn’t pay my rent. Do you look at that and think I shouldn’t get a loan, because it’s like over two years old?"

What do you think????? Sheesh!

OK...so I should keep a tally of stupid questions because I got another one, almost better than the first:

"can I borrow $5000 to pay my 7 late mortgage payments and foreclosure fees so my house doesn't get foreclosed on?"

Now, this is a very sad situation. I don't envy this person's position, but honestly how are we going to lend you money to avoid foreclosure? I wish, I truly do, that I could lend you money to save your house, but how can I? You cannot afford your house, what good would another loan on top of your house payment do you? It would just postpone the inevitable. I'm sorry about the situation, but be realistic...

Odd things I've seen lately

• A random used q-tip in the parking lot of Subway (was the ear wax that bad, right then?)
• A dancing can of hair spray, dry humping the air on the side of the road (the husband says the hair cuts at great clips are so good they cause sporadic dry air humping...)
• Ewww Clint Eastwood making out with Rene Russo (In the Line of Fire was good sans this)
• A five year old downing a coffee at Starbucks (who thinks that's a good idea?)
• My husband dancing angry like Kevin Bacon in Footloose (classic...)
• Peaches (my cat) attacking invisible mice on the floor and staring at ghosts on the ceiling
• A lady pushing her dogs (yes, stupid dogs) in a doggie stroller as she walked up the street
• The Real Househusbands of Hollywood (did you know Vanessa from the Cosby Show married Ron from A Different World?) it's on the Fox Reality Channel & it's great
• Someone I know, superglue in their front tooth b/c it was broken off
• A regular sized Cadillac with giant, monster truck sized wheels

Subway, eat fresh or die trying

I was reading the divine Paula Grace's blog about our rapping Subway adventure and it reminded me of a story from a while back when we still worked at the same place and hit the Subway across the street for lunch. They don't play hardcore rap there, but they are still pretty busy. We went in and Paula was voicing her opinions on what she should or shouldn't eat (though she should eat whatever she wants cause she's gorgeous) and decided on tuna (yuck, but hey every one's different). The lady in front of her, seemed normal and friendly, agreed that tuna sounded great. We listened to her order the sandwich, in a normal tone, asking for her cheese and moving on down the line. The lady then said, and I quote word for word, "green peppers, no jalapenos..." and as she said this the subway employee promptly dropped the green peppers and picked up the jalapenos, little did he know this was a deathly error on his part. Suddenly, from this little woman, sprang the voice of the devil, "NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOO JALAPENOS ON MY SANDWICH, I SAID NOOOO!!!!" As the flames shot out of her head and everyone turned to stare, she continued to scream that the sandwich maker was trying to kill her, she was deathly allergic to jalapenos, was he crazy. He must immediately drop the sandwich, change his gloves (lest the juice of the poisonous pepper touch her new bread) and make her a new sandwich. I've never seen someone so passionate about her lunch...it was freaking funny...

Gambling, with none of the addiction

I'm currently working on obtaining my CFP and it's hard, really hard, in fact I'm not sure why I ever thought it would be a good idea. But, I digress, what I actually want to complain (shocker, I know) about today is stocks. Stock options, stays, puts, shorts, and longs...all a bunch of words and ideas that a man must have come up with. Buying and selling stocks and stock options is so freaking complicated, tedious, and annoying that I don't know why anyone does it, other than people who want to gamble but don't want to admit to having a problem. Honestly, you can "bet" on how a stock will do and buy an option to buy the stock at a later date or buy an option to sell a stock for a certain amount in the future. I mean honestly, why not just buy and sell the stupid, crappy stock and be done with it? Why buy the option, to buy the option, to buy the stock, to sell the stock, to date the stock and have kids with it but only if it reaches a certain amount otherwise let it expire and die???? I mean, you can't even commit to buying something outright, you want to hedge your bets and decide in a year or two if what you wanted to buy in the first place is still what you want. See, it had to be a man...can't make a decision on their own and stick to it :) . They need to be reassured they have bought the best and will make the most from it or they want an out, an option out.

Bitter Banker

I work for a company that still does loans, even "in this economy," which in it's self is shocking to some people. Many financial institutions have stopped lending or have super duper hard hoops to jump through in order to get a loan, but not us. I'm proud that we can still lend to people, I'm happy to help people get a new car, home, or consolidate debt. We aren't always able to help, but we do the very best we can, and here is where I run into trouble.

For the people we can help, you would think they would be uber grateful and do whatever little we ask with no questions but you would be sorely mistaken. You see, in a debt consolidation I can ask you to bring in the statements for the accounts you wish to pay off and people will stare at me like I am an alien sent to destroy them. And if I press on to my second request of a pay stub, you'd think I cut off their right hand. To me, these are two very simple things that you should perhaps have on hand when asking someone if you can borrow money (ya know proof of income and payoff information). People are so resistant to do anything, they want things simply handed to them. Seriously, I offend at least one person a week when I write a check out directly to their credit card instead of give them cash. But if you're paying off the credit card why would you be upset about mailing them a check? And pay stubs, how hard is it to get a pay stub? Every person who comes in here tells me they don't get a pay stub anymore. Heck, I don't get handed a pay stub anymore but I can go online and print one. Just go to your human resources and ask them how to get a pay stub, they can probably walk you through it. Just give me what I ask for, it's never anything too complicated. And a thank you every now and then wouldn't hurt either...

Of course the flip side of being able to lend is that I often have to tell people they can't have a loan. This sucks so much worse than you could possibly imagine. So, let me start by saying a few things: 1. I have to apply for a loan also, if I need one, they are not automatically given to me. So I do know how you feel, how "annoying" it is to bring in a pay stub (Hello, I work here but I still have to have one), and sit on that side of the desk, so please stop assuming I don't know how you feel. 2. If I could I'd give money away, but that life doesn't work that way. There's not a money tree or a magic money fairy, you have to qualify for a loan. 3. I'm not personally attacking you or your character when I deny a loan. I think that's about it for the need to know list. There are a lot of reasons for denying a loan, but I can tell you without taking an application that there are things that will automatically disqualify you from obtaining money from ANY financial institutions. Take note people, there is a quiz later. If you are currently behind on a loan or credit card with the place you're applying for a loan, if you have a checking account with a negative balance, if your mortgage loan is currently past due (meaning you don't pay for your house, the roof over your head...why on earth would you pay us for any money you borrow), if you are unemployed (and I shouldn't even have to type that but people actually apply for a loan with NO income-how are you going to pay back the loan with NO income), you won't get a loan.

And I don't think I can tolerate one more argument about why someones loans are not really past due on their credit report even though they look that way. "I'm not actually two months behind, I'm on a payment plan" translates to "you are past due but the nice people aren't taking you to court and instead are letting you pay a smaller amount in hopes of getting your current debt with them paid off" it's not a current account. Is that hard to understand? Or if I explain that you currently have too much debt, that in fact all of your monthly income actually already goes toward different debts and you simply can't afford another, don't argue with me for 20 minutes about how you know you can. You CANNOT afford it, believe me. It's not let's make a deal people, numbers don't lie...unless you're talking about tax returns. If one more person explains that their tax return doesn't really represent how much money they make, seriously I'm calling the IRS because I'm pretty sure that's tax evasion and illegal.

I think I'm just done with ungrateful, selfish, stupid people. They drive me crazy. I don't ask for the impossible, so in turn please don't ask me for the impossible. And when I can help, don't be a tool, bring me what I ask for.

Funk

You ever just get in a funk you can't shake? You just feel like you've run a race and then been beaten by a baseball bat only to find out you lost the race (again)? I feel like I've been trapped in a vicious circle for a few years now, yes years. I've been trying desperately to achieve something I have little control over and I just can't seem to do it. I've given it my best effort, time, patience, impatience, trial, effort, and even fortitude and I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Seriously, I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why I can't just magically make this happen but I can't. I think the worst part is there is no reason why it's not happening. I'm so frustrated and tired. I don't want to keep failing, I don't want to give up, I just want my goal to be achieved. Is that so much to ask?

Evil Roku

Dear Roku:

You have ruined my marriage. With your stupid, really old, bad movies that no one wanted to rent, much less watch for free, you have caused at least two blow up fights at my house. I don't want to see any of the following: bad 70's, 80's, 90's or beyond movies, screaming Japanese women (there was a horror movie from Japan where all the woman did was scream, I swear), the first film of any director, any Pink Panther movie, Marx Bros. movie, western or bad kung fu movie. What can I say? I like my movies new, current, and with people I recognize. I'm not a purist, I don't need to see the old movies and understand where movies came from. No, I need to be entertained for one and a half to two hours, not annoyed. Yet, annoying movies are the only thing you seem to offer. My husband is obsessed with you, and wants me to join. But no Roku, I will not drink the kool aid. You can keep your Arsenic and Old Lace, and special 2 disc Antibodies, I will be kicked back with a nice Nick Cage or romantic Amy Adams flick, one set in the early 2000's.

Love,

Jenn

Well, this is my second attempt at a first post...how sad is that? Consider these few sentences a trial run and I'll do something real...soonish :)