FCHS

Do we ever really get over high school? It’s been almost 15 years since I graduated and things that happened in those 4 years still haunt me. I can remember the first time a boy ever crushed me by referring to me as a little sister and then dating a good friend younger than me, the first time my best girlfriend ripped me a new one for daring to have friendships outside our inner circle, the drum cadence from Friday night football games still plays in my ears, embarrassment still surfaces from the time a guy friend rejected me as a prom date and I ended up going solo with the girls, and this all feels like it happened yesterday. I can still feel the heart ache of wanting a guy to like me so badly and I’ve been married for over five years now. I still get a happy feeling in my heart playing over again a male classmate telling me I had pretty eyes, the first compliment I ever received from a non family member. I recall being paralyzed with fear because I had to do a class presentation, the same fear that appeared when I had to take any math final. It’s so strange how those few years can shape the person you are going to be. It instills the fears you’ll carry with you forever. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why. Bigger and better things have happened to me, but high school still floats right below the surface. So, why is it? Why don’t we ever get over high school?

The problem is. . .People

I check the e-mails that get sent in to the bank for general questions. Today I received the following e-mail and it made me remember how much I love demanding customers:

To Whom it May Concern:

My name is XXXXXX (see I protect the guilty) and I have an account at your bank. I need to open another account. I am coming on my lunch and would like most of the paper work filled out prior to my arrival.

So, let me get this straight, you think we're Burger King? You wanna have it your way. Pull up, sign a paper, and drive away. We should do that for everyone right. Spend our days doing paperwork before you get here, forget the people who actually sign in to see us and take the time to sit and open accounts. Gosh, we are really behind the times huh?

And then just to add insult to injury I had another customer come in with a problem that he was upset that I couldn't help him with. You see, he took out a loan with another bank and gave them permission to draft his checking account to pay on the loan. Well, he told them that now he doesn't have the funds to pay the loan so he wants them to stop trying to draft his account because they are causing him non sufficient fund fees with us. They, the mean bank, won't stop trying to take out the payment he owes them. His solution? For us to put a stop payment on the draft, which we won't do. His next solution? To close the checking account. Really? What is wrong with people?

Fashionable

I go to get a customer who has questions about a credit card and I wonder if the $5000 she wants to transfer here is a result of her questionable fashion sense. She was wearing a cute, plain charcoal dress but then. . . well the accessory aisle threw up on her. She adorned her hair with a headband made of a huge blue-green feather, had a turquoise shrug on her shoulders, a black and white gingham scarf, a gold bracelet on her right hand, and three noisy bracelets on her left (my favorite was the black and silver tiger whose teeth were the clasp of the bracelet) and she ended this hot mess with black tights splattered with blue, pink, white, and purple stripes. I've got news for her though, she's not different or an individual, she just dresses badly.

Reflection

My life is wonderful, perfect for me husband, great family, stable job, roof over my head, everything a person could want. When I look back at the journey that got me here, I'm proud. Proud of the decisions I made, proud of the ones I refused, and even thankful for the horrible stuff that made the person I am today. I often wonder if I've lost some of me over the years. Not my core beliefs or anything like that, but the fun/carefree me. I'm quicker to snap, get cranky and angry. I've always been bitter, but I used to have a lot more tolerance for people. I still have compassion but people just get under my skin. I hear about a lot of people's problems every day and I think my skin has just gotten really thick. I don't want to be this angry, tired, mopey person. It's weird, people will ask me what I've been doing or what's new in my life and all I have to offer right now is a litany of complaints about people, my job, etc. Where did the joy go? The love of life? What am I doing that makes it all so dark and depressing. I'm not this person. I've lost me somehow in the shuffle of "living life" of going to work and coming home and eating dinner and staring mindlessly at the TV. The outside world is a stranger, the confines of my office and my house have become my safety net. I'm super lazy right now and I'm not even sure when it happened. So, I'm gonna snap out of it. I'm tired of it. I'm so done with it. I'm going back to being me. Still bitter but hopefully happier...