Odd things I've seen lately

• A random used q-tip in the parking lot of Subway (was the ear wax that bad, right then?)
• A dancing can of hair spray, dry humping the air on the side of the road (the husband says the hair cuts at great clips are so good they cause sporadic dry air humping...)
• Ewww Clint Eastwood making out with Rene Russo (In the Line of Fire was good sans this)
• A five year old downing a coffee at Starbucks (who thinks that's a good idea?)
• My husband dancing angry like Kevin Bacon in Footloose (classic...)
• Peaches (my cat) attacking invisible mice on the floor and staring at ghosts on the ceiling
• A lady pushing her dogs (yes, stupid dogs) in a doggie stroller as she walked up the street
• The Real Househusbands of Hollywood (did you know Vanessa from the Cosby Show married Ron from A Different World?) it's on the Fox Reality Channel & it's great
• Someone I know, superglue in their front tooth b/c it was broken off
• A regular sized Cadillac with giant, monster truck sized wheels

Subway, eat fresh or die trying

I was reading the divine Paula Grace's blog about our rapping Subway adventure and it reminded me of a story from a while back when we still worked at the same place and hit the Subway across the street for lunch. They don't play hardcore rap there, but they are still pretty busy. We went in and Paula was voicing her opinions on what she should or shouldn't eat (though she should eat whatever she wants cause she's gorgeous) and decided on tuna (yuck, but hey every one's different). The lady in front of her, seemed normal and friendly, agreed that tuna sounded great. We listened to her order the sandwich, in a normal tone, asking for her cheese and moving on down the line. The lady then said, and I quote word for word, "green peppers, no jalapenos..." and as she said this the subway employee promptly dropped the green peppers and picked up the jalapenos, little did he know this was a deathly error on his part. Suddenly, from this little woman, sprang the voice of the devil, "NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOO JALAPENOS ON MY SANDWICH, I SAID NOOOO!!!!" As the flames shot out of her head and everyone turned to stare, she continued to scream that the sandwich maker was trying to kill her, she was deathly allergic to jalapenos, was he crazy. He must immediately drop the sandwich, change his gloves (lest the juice of the poisonous pepper touch her new bread) and make her a new sandwich. I've never seen someone so passionate about her lunch...it was freaking funny...

Gambling, with none of the addiction

I'm currently working on obtaining my CFP and it's hard, really hard, in fact I'm not sure why I ever thought it would be a good idea. But, I digress, what I actually want to complain (shocker, I know) about today is stocks. Stock options, stays, puts, shorts, and longs...all a bunch of words and ideas that a man must have come up with. Buying and selling stocks and stock options is so freaking complicated, tedious, and annoying that I don't know why anyone does it, other than people who want to gamble but don't want to admit to having a problem. Honestly, you can "bet" on how a stock will do and buy an option to buy the stock at a later date or buy an option to sell a stock for a certain amount in the future. I mean honestly, why not just buy and sell the stupid, crappy stock and be done with it? Why buy the option, to buy the option, to buy the stock, to sell the stock, to date the stock and have kids with it but only if it reaches a certain amount otherwise let it expire and die???? I mean, you can't even commit to buying something outright, you want to hedge your bets and decide in a year or two if what you wanted to buy in the first place is still what you want. See, it had to be a man...can't make a decision on their own and stick to it :) . They need to be reassured they have bought the best and will make the most from it or they want an out, an option out.

Bitter Banker

I work for a company that still does loans, even "in this economy," which in it's self is shocking to some people. Many financial institutions have stopped lending or have super duper hard hoops to jump through in order to get a loan, but not us. I'm proud that we can still lend to people, I'm happy to help people get a new car, home, or consolidate debt. We aren't always able to help, but we do the very best we can, and here is where I run into trouble.

For the people we can help, you would think they would be uber grateful and do whatever little we ask with no questions but you would be sorely mistaken. You see, in a debt consolidation I can ask you to bring in the statements for the accounts you wish to pay off and people will stare at me like I am an alien sent to destroy them. And if I press on to my second request of a pay stub, you'd think I cut off their right hand. To me, these are two very simple things that you should perhaps have on hand when asking someone if you can borrow money (ya know proof of income and payoff information). People are so resistant to do anything, they want things simply handed to them. Seriously, I offend at least one person a week when I write a check out directly to their credit card instead of give them cash. But if you're paying off the credit card why would you be upset about mailing them a check? And pay stubs, how hard is it to get a pay stub? Every person who comes in here tells me they don't get a pay stub anymore. Heck, I don't get handed a pay stub anymore but I can go online and print one. Just go to your human resources and ask them how to get a pay stub, they can probably walk you through it. Just give me what I ask for, it's never anything too complicated. And a thank you every now and then wouldn't hurt either...

Of course the flip side of being able to lend is that I often have to tell people they can't have a loan. This sucks so much worse than you could possibly imagine. So, let me start by saying a few things: 1. I have to apply for a loan also, if I need one, they are not automatically given to me. So I do know how you feel, how "annoying" it is to bring in a pay stub (Hello, I work here but I still have to have one), and sit on that side of the desk, so please stop assuming I don't know how you feel. 2. If I could I'd give money away, but that life doesn't work that way. There's not a money tree or a magic money fairy, you have to qualify for a loan. 3. I'm not personally attacking you or your character when I deny a loan. I think that's about it for the need to know list. There are a lot of reasons for denying a loan, but I can tell you without taking an application that there are things that will automatically disqualify you from obtaining money from ANY financial institutions. Take note people, there is a quiz later. If you are currently behind on a loan or credit card with the place you're applying for a loan, if you have a checking account with a negative balance, if your mortgage loan is currently past due (meaning you don't pay for your house, the roof over your head...why on earth would you pay us for any money you borrow), if you are unemployed (and I shouldn't even have to type that but people actually apply for a loan with NO income-how are you going to pay back the loan with NO income), you won't get a loan.

And I don't think I can tolerate one more argument about why someones loans are not really past due on their credit report even though they look that way. "I'm not actually two months behind, I'm on a payment plan" translates to "you are past due but the nice people aren't taking you to court and instead are letting you pay a smaller amount in hopes of getting your current debt with them paid off" it's not a current account. Is that hard to understand? Or if I explain that you currently have too much debt, that in fact all of your monthly income actually already goes toward different debts and you simply can't afford another, don't argue with me for 20 minutes about how you know you can. You CANNOT afford it, believe me. It's not let's make a deal people, numbers don't lie...unless you're talking about tax returns. If one more person explains that their tax return doesn't really represent how much money they make, seriously I'm calling the IRS because I'm pretty sure that's tax evasion and illegal.

I think I'm just done with ungrateful, selfish, stupid people. They drive me crazy. I don't ask for the impossible, so in turn please don't ask me for the impossible. And when I can help, don't be a tool, bring me what I ask for.

Funk

You ever just get in a funk you can't shake? You just feel like you've run a race and then been beaten by a baseball bat only to find out you lost the race (again)? I feel like I've been trapped in a vicious circle for a few years now, yes years. I've been trying desperately to achieve something I have little control over and I just can't seem to do it. I've given it my best effort, time, patience, impatience, trial, effort, and even fortitude and I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Seriously, I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why I can't just magically make this happen but I can't. I think the worst part is there is no reason why it's not happening. I'm so frustrated and tired. I don't want to keep failing, I don't want to give up, I just want my goal to be achieved. Is that so much to ask?

Evil Roku

Dear Roku:

You have ruined my marriage. With your stupid, really old, bad movies that no one wanted to rent, much less watch for free, you have caused at least two blow up fights at my house. I don't want to see any of the following: bad 70's, 80's, 90's or beyond movies, screaming Japanese women (there was a horror movie from Japan where all the woman did was scream, I swear), the first film of any director, any Pink Panther movie, Marx Bros. movie, western or bad kung fu movie. What can I say? I like my movies new, current, and with people I recognize. I'm not a purist, I don't need to see the old movies and understand where movies came from. No, I need to be entertained for one and a half to two hours, not annoyed. Yet, annoying movies are the only thing you seem to offer. My husband is obsessed with you, and wants me to join. But no Roku, I will not drink the kool aid. You can keep your Arsenic and Old Lace, and special 2 disc Antibodies, I will be kicked back with a nice Nick Cage or romantic Amy Adams flick, one set in the early 2000's.

Love,

Jenn

Well, this is my second attempt at a first post...how sad is that? Consider these few sentences a trial run and I'll do something real...soonish :)