So, yeah my brother hasn't talked to me since April and I think he's officially cut me out of his life. It's been a slow process and I actually never thought he'd officially do it, but here we are over 4 months of silence. I hope he's ok and his three beautiful daughters are good. I miss them and I miss the relationship he and I have never had and never will. It breaks my heart a little because I was sure at some point he'd come around and think man, I love my sister and I really want her to be part of my life. But it appears his life is full of the kind of family and friends he always dreamed of having. We've always been totally different-he the football playing, mayor, big shot kind of guy and I'm the bookworm, quiet, reserved gal, but we're family and I always thought that mattered more. Turns out for him it was more of a waiting game to see when he could successfully ditch me without the guilt. It's not just me, it's my entire family. It's sad and it sucks. It's been weighing pretty heavily on my mind recently...along with a hundred other things that seem to suck right now.
Ever notice when you have something on your mind and it's sad or hard to think about everyone around you seems to bring it up? Everyone has a question or story that involves your line of thinking and throws it at you and just makes your mind heavier? I've whined already in this blog about being sad, about things that are out of my control, so I'll try not to do it again here. But it's tough. My life feels hard right now, I feel sad. I don't know how to shake this crap. Ugh...
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